Venom

My last update was in 2013, 3 years ago. Today, 10th November im here again. My past memories and grudges haunt me again. Its been 16 years since I last saw her. So much has happened. She wasn't with us. I bet she is happily with her own family. Often I asked myself, how could a person be so cruel to do this. How could she? Is the pain she gone through make her become whom she is today? Why she left? Why she hasn't called? She aint stupid or incapable to search for us. Or I would say there isnt any effort done. My questions will remain unanswered.Unknown.
Despite her absence, we manage to survive. Grandpa stayed with me till his last breath, grandma forever will be there support me even thou she grown old, dad stayed.with us all the time and sis will grow old with me. Dad stayed with us for all these years. Looking after us along with grandparents. Im so grateful they are with me, watched me grow and guiding me all the way till today.
I guess this feeling is like a venom root deep down in my heart.i shall never be able to understand, forgive or forget.
I will keep reminding myself to cherish the life ahead of me with the wonderful person I met and decided to grow old with. Hopefully in time to come, I am able to cure the venom inside of me.

agony

it just wont last. Everything does not last. even how sweet it is at the very first start. how happy you were. how many things youve been thru. everything doesnt seems to matter. there is no everlasting or happily ever after like what most people hope for. Welcome to the human world....

True love does not exist. I hate to admit this. But it's true. will there ever be some1 protecting you all the time? think of you? miss u? love u as much or anything else in this world?goes a thousand miles for you? all this question, i throw it back to myself. NO. i myself cant do that, so that expect in return.

What is there in life for me?Until now i cant find my path. I do not know what i want in life.
What to live for. i thought i found it at first. but when days comes by. i realize its another pain in my life. Another pinch of salt has been addded to the wound.

work my ass off. that's what ive been doing. beside that, i really wish to sleep and not to wake up anymore. im tired. im so fucking tired of life.fucking tired of everything.
I cant solve the problem. i just wish i dissappeared. that i wont remember anything or will be remember by anyone. i just wanna let go of everything,
im really so damn tired. inside out.gosh.

if only im not that stuborn. if only im not that bad tempered. if only i could be more understanding, if only i can be patient.if only i can stop comparing. if only my mind can stop functioning. if only i could control my emotion.i guess it might be better. well, i rather be dead.
who am i? what am i? i wanna stay away. i wanna be alone. i just wanna be alone.away from everyone.left alone and die.just let go of everything. FML.

handicapped

Yeap. This is what i felt now. Without transport i didnt get to go plenty of places. Hmmmm...
this is life. We need to give and take. Namaste namaste. I tell myself. Get some sleep and tommorrow will be a better day.

Went to lunch at four season. Nice restaurant. Hope to bring my ah pek there one day.
Dinner, lou sang with my beloved Godfamily. Who had always be there for me....
Had a wonderful time =)

Goodnight, my diary.

Happy Chinese New year~~

Its 3:56 am now and im still awake =) Preparing to watch Madagascar 1 to cheer myself up.
Just had a lil chat with my dearie cous. the one who always has been there. I thanked you for your patience,time and advice given to me.
Again i was lost track. Perhaps i am too tired or too worried. I was happy to be home until i got scolded again. that sucks. then i felt dissapointed on the plan....and i was worrying bout things that had been happening around me. i guess i Think too much think too much.....
namaste namaste....just go with the flow. stay on ur own and make no call n stay invisible.
Life is not what it seems to be...

Tioman Part I

Went to Tioman on April. My first pic is this. Huge 'MOTOR'.



The seats.Nostalgia.
The ulu bus station- Kluangand i found bumble bee~!

jetty...swarms of ppl..

and..aL's favourite =)

19Th July 09

Relieved.

Yea, that's the word. Felt so good when you pour it all to the big mouth guy. He just ate it all up - my big mouth guy =) I was awake since an hour ago. Couldnt sleep as yesterday's incident haunt me.

It's about grandma. I never allow anyone to torture, scold, humiliate, or make my grandma felt sad. Especially outsiders. This time i lost. I stood there, helpless and see the unkind lady does it.

It's a long story which i do not wish to pen it down. Overall, my grandma does not deserve all this. Let's just try to endure another month. If everything is fine tommorrow, then we will not have to leave straight away & wasted $1K. Dear God, please, let grandma be safe & happy. *prays*

I had a long chat with sai ko a ee today. It's such a coincidence that she drop by today. We talked so much. Work, life & what i would want to know the most, my childhood moments. I have to say, i do not rememeber most of my childhood happy moments. All i had was a nightmare till now. Never anyone mentioned about it to me. I think Im like the Monkey God. 'Sek tau pao chut lei' =P. Ok. Enough of all this emo emo things. Let's move on.

It is 4AM in the morning, i'm planning to go for Mcd breakfast =) Usually i will be snoring or preparing to sleep at this hour. I did not regret sleeping at 9PM on Saturday.

Oh ya =) I just found out that i do not have to apply leave for my coming Trip =) Yippie. Taiwan on 26th Aug to 2nd Sep. I'm allowed to carry forward the balance exception leave to Aug. This means i have 3 off days in Aug. Then in Sep another 2 days of exception leave, which bring a total of 5 days off without applying for annual leave! Seronoknya aku!

Gotta go stuff some food to my stomach now. Adios!

16th July 09

I cried.
Yes, i did. It all happen so sudden. I thought today will be a non-hectic day, who knows everything went upside down. shame shame i cried =,( worked till 10PM today. very the-cham.

Last minute catch up dinner with aL & ced with the big mouth guy. So happy he came to fetch me =) went straight home after that. Felicia invites me to her birthday dinner on Monday =) So fast another year d. Plan to get a doggie bear for her.

Weekend plan- ON. Visiting my former school with aL. Inviting choo, mich, anu and...not sure who else...

That's all for today. Gotta go bath!

15th July 09

Sleepless night i had.
Finally, i force myself to make a decision. Exactly like half a year ago, i tried and i failed.
Guess i'm not a person that like changes. Or what is the thing that is holding me back?
I hope my decision does not offend anyone. I would like to thanked for those who helped me.
Kam sia..arigato..tor cheh..


Lunch together with Mich, Emily, Shu Qi, aL & yin. Got to say its been long we didn't get together. Planning to gather seluruh kampung to visit our high school this weekend. It's been long since i went back there. I wonder how its gonna be. Gonna invite Anu =)
She called me just now. Its been years since we last chat. She called to scold me =(
woo woo woo sedihnya aku. Mentang-mentang i beria-ria to give her advice as she looking for a new job. Hahaha i really do miss those moments. It's actually how we communicate. Scolding each other like nobody business.teeheeeee...fun! Date her for this weekend plan =] Cant wait to have a long long long chat with all of them. My buddies~~! muaks muaks muaks

Okla i want bertolak go naik market d. Goodbye my diary!

14th July 09

Expected.
Busy like a bee today. Didn't manage to execute work per plan. Luckily, my dearie 'si fu' is always there to help me out =) Could not have done it without her guidance.

Early morning suprise: Presents from my neighbour. A pair of hair ribbons. Gosh. I am shocked & touch. She remembers things i've mentioned to her. =,) Thank you so much!
Later in the evening, another touchy thing happened. My 'si fu' tapao-ed food for me from our dept meeting which ive missed. She knew i had not taken my lunch.She brought the food so far away from auditorium, up the stairs, for me. So touch & almost cried. Luckily only 1 person knew- my neighbour. She asked me, 'what happened to you? Your face turn so red'?
hehehehe *blush blush* For all the things they've done for me. I trully appreciate it. It is a tough time for us now, still we or should i say they take care of me..together to go through the bad times.

Minutes after that, i received called from some1 whom i do not wish to say out -the name.
Rather than feeling happy, i felt troubled. I tought it was the past.
They came back to me with a shocking news which i find it hard to accept & decide.

Anyway, i went dinner with -the big mouth guy, ced & aL. Due to some miscommunication, kesian big mouth guy went to my office to fetch me. Sorry =P
Had dinner at hamna. The tomyam is very the keat. slurps~! As usual we chat for a little while and headed home. Felt tired and undecided all the way home.....

p/s - I am still waiting for the wise-man to give me some advice. Guess, i have the answer myself. Just want a confirmation. I believe i can live through this!!! Rwar!!!


1.04am- received reply from the wise-man. Hmmmm...speechless. i guess i need some sleep.Good9 =)

awesome night

Tired.

It's been long we have not spend time together. Three of us, metz, choo & 1.
We went to Larry. Choo had a 45 minutes haircut .RM24. During the 45 mins, metz and i spend time updating each other about ppl's life & progress. teeheeee =P

Metz, choo & i then pay a visit to my GM. She was having a leg massage. So enjoy there.
After visiting, we went to Gurney for a stroll. Metz wanted to get a photo album but failed to get one. End up buying lotsa food in cold storage. Met up with aL, Ced & JJ. Together we go for dinner in town-Koey ziap. I guess we stay there for almost 1 n half hour then chatting, sharing our experiences. I will not forget metz & choo's expressions that night!

I Had fun, hope they are too =)

Working day tommorrow!!!sick.

13th July 09

It's been long since i last update my blog. well, here i am today, blogging on Monday-non working today. Teeheee =P
My plan for today is to go saloon and shopping with choo & metz. Wish toki is here too. SO that she can make sure we are on time. Guess today likely to be window shopping than shopping spree. !!!!!
I need to earn more $$$ to prepare for Taiwan trip in Sep.
Cant wait for it! Will be travelling with Bra, cnee, Choo, and mah san's friends. Gosh most of them are reckless spender. (haha wtf. what a phrase!) Must save more $$$ so that i wont regret not buying those things i like.

aL n ced is paying a visit to a Tarrot Card Master in Pulau Tikus. Hmmm...i cant wait to hear their side of stories =P I am thinking to join them IF metz is ready by now. hahaha.

Sien can die. I dare not log in to company's network. i can imagine tonnes of emails pending my reply. Im trying hard not to let work load occupy my precious holidays. It's unfair when i cant claim for OT. Jangan Bodoh, i'm telling myself.

Tilam tilam Tilam lama tukar baru. beep beep beep
Tilam Tilam Yau sau kau Tilam wound san Tilam beep beep beep
....is in my neighbourhood now. Got addicted to that Tilam Tilam thingy.
The other day, i saw a dog howling when the van stopped in front its' house.
Spooky and scary....imagine...just imagine....what does this mean?



Gawd...........

once upon a time in sg sedim....

table-less steamboat

Had a wonderful time steamboat-ing in one of my colik's new house.

We name it table-less stemboat activity.

Before & after

Pics of our foods ~! =)~

Meatballs, sausages, mushrrooms,tauFOOs.

Well presented by the FOO's sisters. Lovely!

the greeny vegies~!

Collies~! =P wahahhaa

seafood: Prawns, fish, squids, cockles and a lemon (for diplay only)

Taiwan sausages and the host's fav bird eggs

Cheese sausages & taufu

&

the eaters!

Lovely ladzzz~! Yes, you may fill in the gap.

P/s: Special thanks to Susan for preparing this dinner for us ~! =) muaks~!

save the best for the last?

Yesterday i was eating dinner with my beloved gm. We drank our favourite soup..by end of the meal, this is what i saw....

big fat worm~! gross~!

Part II - Belum Forest State park

Splendid waterfall

Side view

A little bridge in the forest

Green green environment

Another waterfall

Waterfall~!

i seriuosly hate this insect. The pacat

Perfect photo with awesome friends =)

The Orang Asli settlement

I will swim over to the other side of the lake if you just said yes!

Me ~! me~!

The gang

Our boat

The flying hair. Nampak bergaya.

All aboard~! Thats our tour guide. (unamed =P)

It started raining cats & dogs

The heavy rain indeed scared me. Imagine we are in the middle of the lake...what if...WHAT IF...i shall not think of it anymore. Eventually, we conquered our fear by playing games. Guess what we played? =P The cantonese 15 & 20 game. (sorry i do not know the title of this game =P). The winners will get to pour waters on the loser~! Yes, we certainly made full use of the water in the lake. =)

Look~! scary isnt it....
It was a relieved to reach the jetty with our boat than swimming to it =)

Here we are. All tired, soggy BUT

HAPPY~!@! =)

First trip in 2009

Belum Forest State Park in Grik, Perak.

A lovely place to chill

Deluxe lake view room in Belum resort.

Aang's territory~!

This is where i were supposed to sleep.

The path to the lounge. simply lovely.

We took a few snapshot while waiting for our boat.

Aang , me n choo

The handsome guy there is kelvin. For further info, you may email to me.

This is the cutie ;P yeah~!

Our first trek : Rafllesia sightings.

Before : Cabbage alike.

After: Monster alike.

What we saw was an almost dead Rafflesia. It aint smelly nor sticky compare to the one in Sarawak.

That it for today...to be continue and stay tune...